Expressing yourself…what’s it really all about?
W, X, WHY
Expressing yourself through speech, painting, dancing or any other art form that reveals how you feel and who you are, never needs justification, or reason; in fact, many would argue that it’s all around better without it. But when it comes to communicating with another individual (s), for the sake of persuasion or influence, expressing yourself isn’t just about what you want, think or feel, it’s about why. Your “why” is more powerful than you think.
Just stop for one second and think about something you really feel like communicating to someone. Picture telling this person what you want…now picture telling them what you want and why you want it. Which one’s more compelling?
Makes more sense
Think about how powerful it would be if more employers not only expressed what they expect of you but why they expect it. Here’s a simple example. The company you work for requires you to be in the office within certain hours of the day. Instead of just telling their employees that they them there between this time and this time – they explain why. They explain that the work they do involves a lot of collaboration, so they would like to try to ensure that everyone works similar hours. That’s a logical enough explanation right? Didn’t it make you comprehend their point of view, rather than just dismissing them as strict employers?
People aren’t all motivated or discouraged in the same way
Now think about talking with your sweetheart. Instead of just telling him or her what you’d like them to do for you, explain why. Explain the reasoning behind what it is you’re asking them to do, or to accept, or whatever the case may be. Give them something logical and rational to work with; not just emotionally driven requests and demands. Tell them why you’re asking for this or that. People aren’t all motivated the same way, and affected by things in the same way; and maybe if they knew or understood the motivation behind your request, they’d be more compelled to agree, or at least to comply.
Tell her why you want her to make an effort
Let’s say you want your girlfriend to be more involved with your family, then it’s important that you not only tell her that you’d like her to get more involved – tell her why. Maybe it’s because your family and she both mean so much to you, it would make you so happy if they knew each other better and got along like family too, or that it would make things easier, or whatever your reason may be.
Tell him why it makes you angry when he says that
Now let’s say it’s about something you feel. You want to tell your boyfriend that it makes you angry when he says “fill in the blank”. Instead of just telling him that you hate when he says that, explain why (and get a little nicer): “It honestly upsets me when you say that because it implies that you don’t care. Of course, you could go on to explain why that thing he said implies that you don’t care, and I mean if it makes things clear please do. But we’re not 4 years old here, this isn’t the game of endlessly asking “why?”. The point is that giving some reasoning behind an opinion, what you want or how you feel, will make it that much more valid, and that much easier for the other person to understand and possibly, agree with.
The “why” cuts through the noise, so that it can make its way to the heart.
Peace, love and self-expression,