All too often I hear women say, “I don’t want to follow any rules”; and they are almost always saying this in reference to dating. It’s possibly one of the most infuriating things to hear, especially because these same women are usually complaining about their dating lives and/or their relationships. But that’s not even the worst part. What’s worse, is that they see basic principles as rules, instead of what they really are: COMMON SENSE, INTUITION and SELF-RESPECT.
Let’s start with a few basic ideas, beginning with how often/not often you should call or text your person of interest. There are NO rules surrounding this question, which so many seem to obsess over. Let’s say you just went on a date, where you were invited out to a nice dinner, then of course it’s a great idea to call or text to say thank you. Seems like a simple enough concept, yet I’m always surprised at how confusing these situations can feel when we’re in the thick of them. How often you get in touch with someone, should really be balanced with how much effort they put into contacting or being engaged with you…if someone likes you, they certainly won’t forget that you exist. And if someone isn’t being receptive to your contacting them, it’s definitely not a good look to keep trying. Once again, it all comes down to common sense, intuition and self-respect – if you focus on these three notions, you will always know how to act and what to do next when it comes to dating, especially in the early stages.
Another one I often hear my fellow ladies say, is that they want to throw caution to the wind and jump all in with someone (before they really even know them). My first question is always, “when has this ever worked for you before?”. To which they still insist, that they don’t need to follow any “rules” when it comes to dating and love. I don’t know how else to say it, but to say “THEY’RE NOT RULES!” (sorry for the caps lock, but I clearly have strong feelings about that dreaded word). If getting to know someone before you give them every piece of you and then some doesn’t seem counter-intuitive, then hey, go right ahead. But if you see the logic, that there’s power in time and how much it can reveal over the course of it, both good and bad, then keep reading. Time allows two people to get to know what the other person likes and doesn’t like, what makes them tick, what their flaws are (and if you can handle them)…and the list goes on. Letting time pass before jumping all in is one of the best things you could ever do for your (possible) relationship. Taking time is evidence that you both respect yourself and the relationship you may or may not be building with this individual.
People often misconstrue my respect for myself and the way I conduct myself when getting to know someone, as hard-set rules. But in reality, they are basic principles that I follow in pretty much any and ever aspect of my life. And when it comes to dating, it’s best to keep it simple. You will always be able to find your (simple) answer by using your common sense, following your intuition and acting in a way that is both respectful to the person you’re dating and most importantly, to yourself.
I know, love and relationships can be confusing and difficult at many times; but learn to value yourself and your time, learn to see people for who they are, and not who they say they are and learn to use your judgment when you’re first getting to know someone – not your emotional triggers.
Most of all, stop seeing your basic instincts as rules and see them for what they really are: conduits to your survival and to your happiness.
Peace, love and no rules,