Your relationships mirror your internal landscape. Whatever’s going on inside, will show up on your outside – especially with those closest to you.
This might be a concept you’re familiar with. Though often, when I work with clients, this is one of those mind-blown moments. “Are you saying that the reason I don’t trust my boyfriend is because I don’t trust myself?”. Yep, that’s exactly what I’m saying.
You see, the Universe aligns us with people who mirror back to us the discord or harmony that we’ve created within ourselves. If there are areas we still need to heal, we will meet people who magnify these areas and force us to deal with them straight on. There are no exceptions and the Universe makes no mistakes. That’s why relationships tend to be some of our greatest spiritual assignments.
Let’s say that you haven’t quite figured out how to be happy on your own, and so you don’t like being alone. Your dependency on your boyfriend/girlfriend will only cause them to retreat and leave you feeling even lonelier. While you’re asking for more of their time and attention, the mirror is showing you that what you need is to love being with yourself – that you need to give yourself more time and attention.
When we go into relationships with core fears, we can be sure that they will surface. The question is, how are we going to deal with them? Our ability to see the lessons, learn from them and heal, will determine how quickly we break free of these patterns and move on.
Personally, most of my fears and insecurities were triggered in romantic relationships. I was in three back to back relationships that had their fair share of issues, and then took a three year hiatus where I didn’t date anyone seriously. In that time, I reflected on the patterns that had played out and two things became abundantly clear:
I wasn’t being appreciated because I didn’t appreciate myself.
I depended on boyfriends for my happiness because I didn’t know how to create my own.
The mirror, aka my relationships, was showing me areas I needed to heal. Knowing this, I got on the path of self-appreciation and self-fulfillment; and by the time I got to my next relationship with the man who’s now my husband, I was totally in love and happy with me and our relationship reflected my space of self-love – and his. That’s why we lined up with each other. I love me, and he loves himself and because of that, we have lots of love to share with each other.
The way you treat yourself affects how others treat you. And the very things you’re looking for externally, someone to make you feel beautiful, to have fun with or to love – are the very things you need to give yourself.
Until I appreciated myself and learned how to make myself happy – I would continue to be paired with men who magnified my lack of those things. And when I learned how to create those emotions in myself, I attracted a man who amplified how good I already felt. People often tell me I’m lucky, that my husband treats me like a queen. I’m not lucky. I became the queen of my own world, and I attracted my king. That’s really how the whole thing goes.
Relationships mirror our inner stuff; even encounters with strangers will reflect how we’re feeling. Ever leave your house feeling like you’re flying so high on happiness, and everyone you meet seems extra friendly that day?
I invite you to spend some time this week witnessing the interactions you have with friends, family, co-workers, lovers and even strangers. How positive are the encounters? Is there more discord or harmony? Take time to meditate and journal about the things that come up with the people in your life, and draw out the patterns. Take note of how the way you’re feeling affects the way people react to you, and vice versa.
Spend some time connecting with you, doing things you love that create internal calmness, and watch how that reflects back to you in your interactions with others.
When your predominant vibration is peace, love and joy you magnetize that back to you in experiences and relationships, and the mirror of your life will reflect all the fulfillment you’ve created within yourself.
Peace, love and positive relationship mirrors,