Photo Credit – We Heart It
A friend of mine recently “if trust can be regained, and if so, how?”.
She was referring to her relationship with her boyfriend where some of his actions started to create a gap in trust.
This is no easy question to answer. It’s complex and riddled with layers of emotions and circumstances. But, it’s definitely worth digging into.
Questions to Ask Yourself:
The first question you gotta honestly ask yourself is if the road to regaining trust in the relationship is one that you should, or really want, to journey on. This is a personal question that will depend on so many things. The first being, how high the stakes are of this relationship? How much time and effort have you invested into each other? Are you married? Do you have kids together? The second question is, how bad was the deceit? Is this the first time something like this happens? And the third, and possibly most important question is, what is this person’s character? Was the thing they did, an honest mistake, lapse of judgment or contradiction to who they are? What are his values and how does this fit or not fit in with them?
Character & Ego:
The decision of if you should trust and continue in the relationship, should be heavily based on whom they really are, because this will ultimately determine the likelihood of this person losing your trust again, and again (or not). Another factor to consider is their ego. Ego is a terrible monster that makes many of us feel justified in our wrong doings. Its very nature is to feel incomplete and is therefore always hungry, and loves to be fed. It clouds decision-making and makes us feel capable of telling great lies. Be very, very cautious of a man with a large ego.
Ultimately it is a very personal decision, but generally, I say if trust is lost (for valid reasons of course), in the early stages of a relationship – count your blessings for finding this out sooner than later, and move on. On the flip side, if the stakes of your relationship are higher, I understand that there is a lot more to consider. If I wasn’t clear the first time, let me say it again:: look very closely at the individual’s character.
Stay tuned for Part II where I discuss exactly how trust can be regained.
Peace, love and trust part I,
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