How many people do you know (including yourself), have been tortured by the question of knowing if someone is or isn’t the one? I’m willing to bet, one too many.
This has got to be one of the toughest questions out there, and here’s why.
We’re all so different. We have different issues, struggles, insecurities and perspectives – and all of these play a crucial role in our love lives.
Let’s take for example, an obvious trait of a good partner: trust. If you have trust issues (which ultimately means, you don’t really trust yourself), you’re likely to have the issue of trust come up in most relationships – whether it’s warranted or not. The topic of mistrust is active within you, and will therefore be active within the relationship – making you think this couldn’t possibly be the one.
But I think it’s worth backing up for a moment to say, I don’t believe that there’s only “one”. This idea of one person who completes you, leaves you chasing something outside of yourself. Take a moment to hear me loud and clear when I say, you my dear, are the one. You always have been and always will be the one you’re really looking for.
Alright, now that that’s out of the way, I believe there are many people with whom you can live and create happiness with – though some are definitely more ideal than others.
As you get more acquainted with yourself, you’ll more easily recognize this person when you see them, because it will be as if you’ve always known them. They are a reflection of you.
If there’s nothing else you take from this article, please take this: it’s difficult to know where or if someone belongs in your life if you don’t know yourself and most importantly, if you aren’t comfortable with yourself.
Instead of “the one”, what I would rather say is, how do you know if they’re the one you should create with: create memories, children, a home, a future, a path, an adventure, a journey… whatever it is you wish to carve out in this lifetime. Because chemistry is one piece, but it certainly ain’t the whole puzzle.
I think the best way to answer this question is to share with you, how I knew I had met the special someone I would create with.
Values & Vision
To be honest, I knew from our very first date that Jack was my ideal match. Everything he spoke about from his deep connection with his family, to his interest in music and most of all, the way he sees his future, told me that we would be great together. The more I got to know him, the more I could see that we were both paving the same path; one that includes children, family, time, travel, experiences, love and dedication towards our individual goals. We both believe that we can have the life we dream of, and that we’re totally capable of living it. We both believe that choices shape our lives.
His positive energy matches mine. I’ve been with good guys, but I’ve never been with a man whose kindness and pure heart matched mine. This man legitimately smiles with his eyes and he couldn’t hide his goodness if he tried. Anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty much the same way; we are energetically compatible and he is a reflection of all the good that’s in me.
We have similar interests and enjoy spending much of our time in the same ways; this is obviously important if we plan on living our lives together. And for the interests we don’t have in common, we either enjoy those things on our own time or we introduce them to each other. How many times have you been in a relationship with someone who you think you’re in love with and yet when it comes to your downtime you have completely different ideas on how to spend it? I know I’ve been there, and it’s left very little room for growth.
We have the same belief system and and crystal clear moral compasses, to which we look forward to passing onto our children. We treat ourselves and the people around us with kindness, appreciation and respect. We believe in honesty and loyalty and we believe in living our lives to the fullest. Whatever your beliefs about love, life and people it’s important that they align with those of the person you’re spending so much time with.
We’re both actively working on creating lives where we have passive income and freedom of time. We see ourselves living urban lives, not in the suburbs. We love the idea of travelling with our kids and teaching them about different cultures. We both treasure experiences more than material things.
We are constantly learning from each other. Each of us has our own strengths and we lovingly share those with each other. We both have a learning attitude and enjoy expanding our skills and knowledge. It’s a mutually beneficial road of continuous growth and improvement and we bring forth the best in each other…never, ever the worse.
Our respect for each other goes beyond being loyal, or not saying nasty things to each other. We have no ego with each other and no sense of possessiveness; we deeply respect each other as individuals. And while we don’t fight, we do disagree – and these disagreements always bring us closer, and teach us something new about each other, and ourselves.
Last but far from least, we appreciate each other and freely express this to each other often – like, just this morning. Appreciation is the conduit for more love, and more to appreciate. It’s a great train to be on.
See, knowing someone is “the one” is far from just how you feel about them and so much more to do with your compatibility for creating a positive and loving life together. Can you vouch for this person’s character? How much can you really see your life with this person? Is the future you happy with the decision you’ve made? I’ve been “in love” before but I always knew in my heart, that happiness would not belong to us forever; one too many critical pieces was missing.
With Jack, it’s simple, and oh so loving. I feel a sense of calm and a deep sense of appreciation for him, myself and us. And as you’ve maybe heard me say before, I knew he would be one seriously significant person in my life from our very first date, because I’ve practiced getting quite in tune with my intuition. It was like a soft whisper…”him”…
I recognize that he only came to me when I was ready to receive him. There was a time when I was not as “in tune” and didn’t understand myself quite the way I do today. Without this self-connection, it’s near impossible to have clarity about anyone else, and what their place should – or shouldn’t be, in your life.
Peace & love,