After posting my previous article, “Haven’t met the love of your life – or have you?”, I was asked to write an article to help guide women into knowing when they have met “the one”. This is no easy question to answer because we are all so different. We have different issues, different struggles and different perspectives. An obvious trait to look for is someone you can trust, but let’s say that you have trust issues, then you may pass up on many great partners because of your own distrust. This is just one example.
I am not a fan of saying “the one” because it makes us chase something outside of ourselves, to be and to feel complete; and I also believe that there are many people with whom you can live and create happiness with – though some are definitely more ideal matches than others. What I would rather say is, how do you know who you should choose to be the one you create with: create memories, children, a home, a future, a path, an adventure, a journey… whatever it is you wish to carve out in this lifetime.
The best way to answer this question is to share with you, how I knew I had met the special someone I would create with.
To be honest, I knew from our very first date that he was my ideal match. Everything he spoke about from his deep connection with his family, to his interest in music and most of all, the way he sees his future, told me that we would make a great match. The more I got to know him, the more I could see that we were both paving the same path; one that includes children, family, time, travel, experiences, love and hard work towards our individual goals. We are both equally in love with our families and with life.
His positive energy matches mine. I’ve been with good guys, but I’ve never been with a man whose kindness and pure heart matched mine. This man legitimately smiles with his eyes and he couldn’t hide his goodness if he tried. Anyone who knows me knows I am the same way; we are energetically compatible and I can say with certainty that I deserve him and that he deserves me. There is balance between our energies and there is no one person tipping the scale.
We have similar interests and enjoy spending much of our time in the same ways; this is obviously important if we plan on living our lives together. And for the interests we don’t have in common, we either enjoy those things on our own time or we introduce them to each other. How many times have you been in a relationship with someone with whom you “are in love with”, yet when it comes to your downtime you have completely different ideas on how to spend it? I don’t know about you, but that doesn’t seem like someone you will create much with – at least not much of anything positive.
We have the same belief system and neither one of us wishes to attach ourselves to religion; yet we both have crystal clear moral compasses, to which we look forward passing onto our children. We treat ourselves and the people around us with kindness, appreciation and respect. We believe in honesty and loyalty; and we believe in living our lives to the fullest. Whatever your beliefs may be it is important that they align with the person you wish to live the rest of your life with.
We are both actively working on creating lives where we have passive income and the freedom of time. We see ourselves living urban lives, not in the suburbs. We love the idea of travelling with our kids and teaching them about different cultures. We are both willing to live humbly (yet still abundantly) as we work towards our goals. We don’t believe in living above our means and we treasure experiences more than material things.
We are constantly learning from each other. He teaches me and I apply it; I teach him and he applies his it. It is a mutually beneficial road of continuous growth and improvement and we bring forth the best in each other…never, ever the worse.
Our respect for each other goes beyond being loyal, or not saying nasty things to each other. We have no ego with each other and no possessiveness. We respect each other as individuals who are grateful that the other has chosen to share this life together.
All this to say that knowing someone is “the one” is far from just how you feel about them and so much more to do with your compatibility for creating a successful, positive and loving life together. Can you vouch for this person’s character? Is it unwavering? How much can you really see your life with this person? I’ve been in love before but I always knew in my heart, that happiness would not belong to us forever, because we simply did not belong together. One or one too many critical pieces we’re missing or we’re blatantly not compatible. I had nagging doubts that I could not silence.
With this man, there is simplicity and so much love. I feel a calmness with him and a deep appreciative sense of love. I am thankful everyday that he walked into my world and I have no questions or doubts as to the sort of person he is, or the kind of husband and father he will be.
But as I’ve said before, he came to me when I was ready to receive him. There was a time when I was not as spiritually connected and didn’t understand my own self the way I do today. Without this connection with yourself, it is near impossible to have clarity about anyone else, and what their place should – or shouldn’t be, in your life.
Peace, love and creation,