Last week I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about first dates. She was telling me how nervous she gets; “what will he think?”, “what will I say?” and on and on she went.
It made me think back to the times when I had first dates.
And I recalled that the only consistent thought I ever had was, “I hope he’s cool”.
I never cared to wonder if he would like me, because that would be a waste of my time. And this kind of thinking served me well.
If you can change your perspective to focusing on what you could possibly find and like in someone else, instead of worrying about what they may find and like in you, a few things are likely to happen.
- You’ll show interest in the other person
- You’ll be present for the experience
- You’ll make a genuine connection – or not
- You’ll exude confidence
…. And you may even enjoy yourself.
If you focus on what this guy or girl might be thinking of you, then you’re really only there to prove that you’re worthy of their attention. Instead of showing an interest in the other person, your thoughts will be consumed with how you look, what you should say next and how silly that thing you just finished saying may have sounded. In other words, you won’t be present for the actual experience – only your mind’s interpretation of it.
You’ll miss out on getting to know this potentially awesome person – and they’ll miss out on getting to know you.
And when your thoughts are focused on external factors, such as what he or she thinks of you and if they like you – it’s not fun, or attractive.
I’m always surprised when people get nervous before a date, because they’re scared of how they’re going to come off. It’s good to be aware of having some basic manners but a shift in your perspective from focusing on you – to focusing on the other person, will go a long way.
So the next time you find yourself facing the (often dreaded) first date, focus on what you might gain from the experience and just relax and enjoy… your best self will have the opportunity to shine through and maybe, just maybe, you’ll meet someone YOU actually like.
Peace, love and (more fruitful) first dates,