I’ve seen this happen too many times.
A woman meets a man who she’s interested in. She wants to keep his attention, and not scare him off, so she pretends like a relationship is the last thing she wants. Meanwhile, they’re spending more time together and her feelings for him are soaring…then BAM. She flips.
She goes from being easy, breezy, cool – to downright confusing. Now all the things she’s kept inside are quickly spilling over. She’s letting out her frustrations about the state of their “non” relationship and changing the name of her game – she isn’t just in this for the fun – she wants a relationship with HIM. And she always has.
Needless to say, the guy is shocked and wondering what happened to that cool gal he’d been spending all this time with. He’s scared, she’s spiralling, and the whole thing starts to crumble.
So how can this dating mistake be avoided?
By not pretending in the first place.
No one’s saying you gotta lay out on all your cards on the first date (in fact, please don’t), just don’t make an effort to deny something that’s important to you – wanting a meaningful relationship with someone (notice I didn’t say him).
I don’t think you need to make your endgame clear to the person you’re seeing from the get go, nor do I think you should have an endgame besides getting to know someone for the human they are and building a genuine connection if it exists. BUT, you don’t need to pretend like it’s the last thing on your mind either, just to play cool. Doing that is a form of deceit and leads to the very awkward unfolding that I mentioned above.
Instead, you can talk about things more generally when they come up and with a relaxed energy. So for example, you can say something like “I look forward to having a great relationship with the right person when the time is right.” Do you feel the ease in this statement? You’re speaking your truth, without a sense of rush.
This gives the guy a chance to get to know you better – without feeling the pressure.
Nowhere in that expression of your desire do you mention anything about making him the guy for you – because you know what? Maybe he isn’t! You’re still in the exploration phase and you don’t give it all away so easily.
The point here is to avoid pretending you’re something you’re not just to attract or keep a guy around. This is a big dating mistake! Instead of playing games, keeping your guard up or pretending to be anything you’re not, act from a place of self-worth and self-respect. This is how you earn the respect you know you deserve and weed out the guys who don’t match your worth.
If you have any questions about this or want to know more about how to date consciously and from a place of deep self-worth, I want to talk to you. Fill out this form, and let’s see about booking a consultation together.
Peace & love,