The Slow Burn - It Just Might Save Your Love Life
Which one sounds better to you…
A relationship that starts FAST - that’s intense, sweeps you off your feet and lands you hurt on your ass?
Or…
A relationship that starts slow and that you savour, enjoying more deeply overtime?
The slow burn works.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a session with a client. As we wrapped it up, I asked her, what’s the one greatest thing you’ll take away from today?
She answered, “the slow burn”.
Meaning to take things slow when getting to know someone.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’m a “no rules” coach. I won’t tell you not to call the guy, say I love you first or sleep with him before 3 months.
That being said, I do have one non-rule, rule.
I’ll be happy to one day be proven wrong, that relationships that start fast are as consistently successful as those that start slow. But until that day comes, this I do know:
Relationships that start slow and build their foundation, brick by brick over time, last longer.
What does that even mean, you ask?
It means taking your time getting to know someone before “deciding” they’re the one. It means saving some conversations, gestures, gifts, adventures and sexual explorations for your hopefully long relationship.
If you share it all within the first couple of months, what’s left? It’s kind of like reading an entire book the day you take it home, when it’s over, you put it away and move on - at best, you’ll pick it back up decades later.
I also know that when you take your time getting to know someone, taking it step by step and keeping your eyes, mind and heart open along the way - you have a lot less fear.
Your emotional investment is proportionate to how long/well you’ve known them, and so you’re not as afraid of having your whole world come crashing down on you, should this not work out. Which also means, you’re less reactive and a lot more cool-headed - which MEANS, you make better choices in this relationship. You can take a breath to choose how you want to act, what you want to say, etc.
And remember, this is coming from someone who heard her heart whisper “this one” on her first date with the guy who’s now her husband.
The slow burn keeps you sane and savoring the deliciousness of getting to know this new human in your life.
And what could be better than that?
Date With Dignity - join the movement.
With love,
Diana