If Trust Must Be Earned, How Do We Do Earn It For Ourselves?
Contributed by the amazing mind of Michaela Kealey.
As the saying goes, trust must be earned… and if you’re anything like me - you might have assumed this only happens between people, businesses, groups, and so on. But if that’s not the case, then how do we earn it for ourselves, and - why should we?
To get us started, here are some questions to ask if you’re unsure but feel like trust is possibly missing in your life:
Do you try to control situations, outcomes, people?
Do you fear trying new things even if they’re interesting to you?
Do you put yourself down, and assume you aren’t good enough, or smart enough, or pretty enough, or strong enough to do something because you don’t have X,Y, or Z?
You know what? #metooHere’s what I know… now, anyways. Trust showed up repeatedly as an issue in my relationships, because it was an underlying issue in myself. I’d spent so many of my formative years ignoring my inner guidance system, soul, true self, higher power, whatever you like to call it, and searched for it everywhere but inside. I looked for the answer in people, magazines, anti-anxiety meds, on the dance floor, in a drink, a new outfit, in the stars - but all that did was cause more of a disconnect between me, and well, me.
So often trust is referenced to in terms of something that is broken, or requires building, or repair, or time, and usually always has to be proven. Because of this I deduced that trust in and of itself was something that was formed between two things. But alone? Internally? I would have never believed it. I would have never believed it because I hadn’t even known self-trust was a thing someone needed and that it was something I didn’t have, until I did.
Often, we’ve spent many years ignoring our intuitive Soul’s callings. For reasons of social pressures, family norms, or lack of motivation, we at some point heard the Soul’s call for action and ignored it in fear of upsetting what we believe is “how it should be”. Every time we ignored our intuition in the past, it’s as though we’ve buried the voice alive, one shovel of dirt at a time. We ignore it once, that’s one scoop of dirt. Twice, another helping of dirt. A third time and so on. With each layer of dirt the voice of our true nature, our true purpose becomes muffled, and more and more distant… and, like Diana always reminds us, our lives are our mirrors to show us what’s going on internally. The further we are from hearing and knowing our Soul’s desire, the further we stray in our external lives - choosing partners, jobs, and hobbies that reflect our idea of who we think we should be, and not who we actually are.
Now I don’t believe in mistakes, or wrong turns. Sometimes, we just need to take the longer way around, the road less travelled, all as part of the incredible adventure in being alive. The really beautiful part is that no matter which road you take, it will always detour and redirect you back to where you need to be, all roads leading Home. That being said, there are ways we can speed up the process, find the shortcut, and still have fun along the way!
As someone who personally came through this journey, I want to share with you the exact tools that helped me uncover my true self, my newfound passion for life and creativity, and how I unburied myself from decades of fear and distrust. Here are my top 6 tools for learning to trust yourself.
Meditation: Meditation is my fix-all for everything from a bad break-up to a pimple. In the case of self-trust, I truly believe this has the most impact of any other tool; because while a crucial part of the trust building process is in learning to listen to your true desires, you also must then act and react to all situations from a place of faith in yourself. To cultivate this relationship and this trust, we must first learn how to hear the voice within, Meditation accomplishes this so beautifully and quickly - opening the doors to a new relationship with yourself. Not convinced? I challenge you to check out my blog on: top 4 meditation benefits, and then tell me you aren’t at the very least intrigued as to what it could do for you.
Forgiveness: We are hands down, our own worst critics. A constant reminder I say to myself and those who care to hear it is to ‘Be Your Own Best Friend’. We would never speak to our friends, or even our enemies in some cases, with the downright cruelty and disgust with which we can speak to ourselves. And though I know it’s hard - collectively, we need to stop. We must learn to approach ourselves with the kindness, gentleness, and compassion with which we treat our friends, children, and our loved ones. Forgiving our past indiscretions, and actively working towards a better us each and everyday - that’s what we’re here for, that’s what we can all do today. Not a single one of us was born perfect or without fault, and it’s high time we start recognizing that in ourselves, and offer ourselves up a huge thanksgiving style plate of compassion for that.
Acceptance: Along with forgiveness, we must also face the task of taking responsibility, and accepting that what happened, has happened. While this is easier said than done, it gets easier each time you do it. So with each past indiscretion that comes up for you, face it with humility, understanding, and compassion. We can’t change the past, but we can change how we let it affect us moving forward. Choose to leave it where it is, it no longer has a purpose in your future story.
Gratitude: Sure, sure we say - I’m grateful! Happy to be alive, thankful for my things, lucky to know great people. But is that… enough? As a starting point, yes, on the next level - not even close. Gratitude comes when we can connect on a deep level to the sense that for each and every lesson and encounter, we are thankful for all of it. For all the good, the bad, the dark, the light, we are thankful for the gift of being alive and for the growth that accompanies it. Like Tony Robbins always says, trade your expectations for appreciation, and your whole world can change in an instant.
Listening + Connecting To Your Body: Think about it. If you close your eyes and listen… there’s a constant stream of thoughts happening inside your brain, right? You can see that objectively, yes? Watch them come in, and out, in a constant stream of thought after thought - no break, no pause. A lot of people refer to this thought pattern as the Monkey Mind. It rambles thoughts of dinner options, what to wear to your work holiday party, tries to remember the last name of that kid you played with in grade 2, that one time. The thing to recognize about the monkey mind, is that if we hear the stream of thought, we hear the chatter, we react to the things it tells us… then who are we? The stream of thought, or the one listening? You, at the core of your true self, are the observer. Through meditation and being mindful, we can learn to separate the identity of who we are from our monkey minds, and can tap into hearing a whole new voice - the intuition, where all the wisdom we will ever need lies within our very bones. Once we can hear the voice, we can make decisions from a place of intuitive guidance to help each of us on our own unique paths.
Aligned Action: Once you take a leap and SURVIVE, is the moment you realize there really never was anything to be afraid of ever anyway. We can live in fear what may, or in trust of the same, the distinction lies from the point we choose to act from. The idea is not to do what you know you shouldn’t, and try to use the falsity of faith and trust after the fact. It’s first to listen, second to be guided, and third to then bravely and with conviction, choose to follow with faith because you can trust in your own instinct- no expectations, no pre-fabricated outcomes.
The Aftermath...
Once trust is established, life opens up in ways you never could have imagined possible. It isn’t so much that everything around you is different, but instead the way you choose to see it. You choose romantic partners differently, you speak up at work differently, you spend your evenings in ways that feed you soul, you no longer need anything from the people around you and instead start to enjoy them so much more. You learn your boundaries, and realize how good it feels when you stay within them. You argue differently. You show up differently. You show up as you. You show up with intention. You show up with love, and light, and most of all, you show up with a faith in yourself and in your abilities, and you never again ask anyone’s permission to just be yourself.
All the love to all of you,MK--Michaela Kealey
Driven to do good. Innately go against. goldrebellion.com