From Expectation to Appreciation - This Will Transform Your Relationship

How would your relationships be different if you made appreciation greater than criticism and expectation? 

When I was dating Jack (my now husband and baby daddy), one thing that always stood out to him was how much I appreciated the little things that he would say or do. He called it positive reinforcement - and he loved it! 

He would do something sweet like pick up dried mangos (which I freaking love) on his way to see me, and I would be over the moon. 

Which made him feel like the best man on the planet - which inspired him to continue to want to be the best man for me. 

Seven years later, a marriage, a baby, and a few homes later, sometimes I can let that appreciation slip and move into criticism and expectation. 

Whenever our relationship moves into a “sticky place”, where it doesn’t feel warm, loving, and harmonious, one of the first questions I ask myself is, when was the last time I expressed my true appreciation to Jack? 

And one of the next questions is, have I been criticizing and expecting things from him more than I’ve been appreciating him? To which the uncomfortable answer I have to face is…yes. 

In a recent client session, this is where we spent a lot of time digging in. We even explored the possibility that all her criticism was taking years off her partner’s life. 

This alone was the catalyst we needed to crack open her story that she is completely justified in her requests - she was able to see the bigger truth. 

The larger point of view is that yes, she could use some more help with x, y, z - AND, that she is also not acknowledging all the wonderful things he’s already doing. 

They are not mutually exclusive. Just because she’s “right” doesn’t mean she is RIGHT - there is always a bigger picture. 

Within a few days of our last session, she and her partner have experienced more love and harmony than they have over the last few years. 

Something to be very proud of. 

Romantic relationships can really trigger our egos, which trick us into some very entitled behaviour.  

We think we need to protect ourselves and stand up for ourselves - which is essentially just a projection of our fear. 

So I ask you: if you could move past your fear for even a moment, what could you appreciate about your partner, big or small? And how will you express this appreciation? 

Let’s hear it like you’re shouting from an online rooftop! 

With love,

Diana