Expressing Yourself Part 2 - Rational Calmness
My sister has always told me that I have a natural ability for sharing my feelings and bringing forth my concerns – in a positive & maybe more importantly, productive way.
Just the other day, I expressed my disappointment to her about feeling left out of a family decision. The conversation went really well. So much so, that she called me the next day to tell me how she reflected on how well I brought forward my concern, and how much the way I did so made her want to address it. So I asked her what exactly I’d done that she felt was such an excellent approach. Here’s what she said:
Rationality; I had a reasonable logic for the way I felt, founded by real events.
Calmness; I didn't raise my voice. Both my voice and my energy were calm.
Clarity; I was clear about how I felt, why I felt it and what I was hoping would have happened instead.
Forgiveness; I was forgiving throughout our conversation. The more she explained what happened, the more I understood and forgave.
And ultimately, that this approach didn't make her defensive – which left her mind and her heart open to truly hearing & feeling my disappointment – and genuinely caring to make things better. And isn’t this always the goal of expressing our concerns?
A big reason we were both able to hear each other out and see the logic in both my disappointment and in her response, was due to the fact that I wasn’t overly emotional. Sure there was a trace of sadness in my voice, but not enough to put a cloud of confusion over the entire conversation. This is key.
This is no doubt an important topic that deserves a lot more than just a few short articles, but I’ll do my best to make myself uber clear, in other words, to express myself.
Stay tuned for part three – about how the language you use impacts the ability for others to hear you.
Peace, love and successful expressions,
Diana